Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Q&A with Olly Offwidth

Q: Okay, let’s start with the basics. What does an offwidth crack mean anyway?

A: Basically, it means the crack is too big for hand jams but too small to climb like a chimney. It’s a game of one size does NOT fit all and do whatever it takes to get to the top, literally. If it had a theme song, it would be Stuck Like Glue. Or, better yet, Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.

Q: Great, now I have those songs stuck in my head. But I guess you like getting things stuck. So, what’s it like to be climbed?

A: Uhh let’s just say it’s a little intimate. I’ve seen my fair share of hips, butts, and chests. I’ve heard a lot of desperate prayers, begging for mercy. I’ve smelled a lot of sweaty-climber smell. I’ve touched a lot of skin . . . and I’ve taken it too. Ha, your face! Don’t worry, I don’t preserve it in jars or anything. Overall, I enjoy the company, but I’m known to throw people out when they overstay their welcome. Not without a souvenir, of course! Gnarly scrapes and bruises beat cheesy magnets any day.

Q: Many climbers call you “physically grueling.” How do you feel about that?

A: Aw, that’s cute. Try eating rocks for breakfast.